Fight On, Fight On

This has been my biggest fear since I was diagnosed with cancer… It has spread to your brain. So here I am facing my biggest fear. All I can say is my life is crazy. This is the second time I thought I was ahead of cancer only to get my legs taken out from under me again. But I think, once I have brain surgery, what’s harder than that.  I don’t like typing those words because I’m afraid something will bite me in the butt, but seriously I’m having brain surgery, I’m officially the toughest person I know… not to toot my own horn.

I was planning on writing about strong will this week and then this happened. Since I can remember, I’ve always hated losing.   It was sparked by my older brother who could be beat me at everything, and always reminded me of it, but that made me stronger.

It wasn’t always pretty. I remember chasing my brother down the street with a spear after losing to him in basketball (the spear was a souvenir my dad picked up for me while he was visiting Africa, in hindsight, not the best idea and the spear was quickly put away after this incident). However, my competitive spirit never left.

I grew up playing soccer and basketball and I was never the best person on the team, but I always played my hardest. I think this has fueled my battle for life. I’ll be honest, I’ve had more thoughts of dying since my recent news, but I will fight this like everything else I’ve done. I can’t give up, I’ve been through too much to stop now. I don’t know if I know how to stop. I don’t think I’m programmed for that. I have a beautiful wife and two beautiful and amazing daughters. I need to fight for them. I would chase anything down with an African spear that would attempt to keep me from spending more time with them. All of this is surreal.

My family and I are grateful for your prayers and support. Please keep them coming. I believe prayer is my best medicine. I’m hoping to get some relaxation in and go to the outer banks following surgery later in June. The beach has always been therapeutic for me.

Three O’Clock Hour

I’ve had a strange cancer day that demonstrates how cancer can drastically change my life in a short time. During this last surgery, which was my second lung surgery in three weeks, the surgeon removed a cancerous tumor from my lung and then saw some spots on my ribs. She decided to biopsy and remove the spots for further testing. I got the results back today and the spots are not cancerous. During the 24 hours I was waiting for results, I was worried the cancer had spread to my bones. When I get CT scans, I understand the results may include new spots. Going into surgery, I was not expecting to hear I had additional spots. I was planning on hearing. We got it all.

 I’m feeling blessed that the cancer hasn’t spread to my bones. As I type this, I’m amazed at how drastically my life could have changed after the conversation I had with my doctor just hours ago. My doctor called me at 3:00 p.m. to tell me the results. I knew it was a positive sign that she called by phone instead of coming to my room to tell me in person. When she told me the biopsy results were negative, I felt like I was on cloud nine. I feel like I have my life back.

 Once again, cancer has shown me the value of each second of every minute of every hour of every day I have on this beautiful world.