Here We Go Again

Chemo bags

Chemo bags

This Tuesday I will begin more chemotherapy.  It has been five months since I have received it.  Even though I tolerated the chemo really well before, I’m worried this time will be different.

My chemo regimen is the same as before.  Every other Tuesday, I receive chemo for four hours, along with steroids and other meds.  Then, before leaving the infusion center, a chemo pump is attached to my port.  The pump allows me to receive chemo for 48 hours without needing to be in the hospital.  A port is a device which accesses my veins.  It was surgically placed under my skin between my collarbone and pectoral muscle.  One reason for needing a port is that the chemo could blow out my veins if delivered through my arms.  It is also used for drawing blood and administering injections for CT scans.  After 48 hours with the pump, it will beep and I will then return to the infusion center to remove the pump.  Then that Friday I go back to the infusion center to get a shot to boost my white blood cells.  This routine repeats every other week for two months.  After two months, I’ll have another scan and make more decisions based on the results of the scan.

Me and my pump

Me and my pump

Pump decor by Katie

Pump decor by Katie

I have learned that with cancer nothing is black and white and I will have unforeseen bumps in the road.  The hardest thing for me right now is that I was so close to remission.  After 12 rounds of chemo and two major surgeries, I thought I was ahead of the cancer, only to learn it was never gone.  Now the fight continues.  Previously I was ignorant and didn’t know what to expect.  My perspective has changed and I believe it will make some aspects of these next rounds easier, not easy.  It’s never easy.

On a side note, I’ve experienced more signs that assured me things will be ok.  For me, a sign is an abnormal thing that happens to me on a hard day that helps me feel better.  For example, on the day of my scan I ran into two former clients, whom I haven’t seen in years and always wondered how they were doing.  I also ran into my old boss who helped me when I was first diagnosed.  I consider those experiences as signs because it was unusual to see them especially in the cancer center of the hospital.

Another time was on Christmas morning.  While watching my children open presents, I wondered…how many Christmases will I spend with my wife and kids.  Later that morning I checked my email and saw an email from Cardinal Stafford (Who I befriended along this cancer journey. A future blog entry will tell about my pilgrimage to Vatican City and Rome).  In the email, he said that he discussed my illness and faith with the Pope and the Pope told him, “Assure Kevin he is in my prayers.”  As a Catholic, that was the best Christmas present of all.

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28 Responses to Here We Go Again

  1. Laura baker says:

    You can count on prayers from me, too. And, wow…..the POPE!!! That is awesome!!

  2. laura says:

    praying and pulling for you kevin. big hugs!!!

  3. wilma denton says:

    our prayers and well wishes to you…

  4. alli says:

    I’ll continue sending you courage and strength to deal for this ride. You can do this! You are one of the most positive and silly people I know. Go silliness!

    • weinkp1 says:

      Thanks AlB. You know me well enough that I’m a goofball and I’ve been this ways as long as I can remember. I think it was to prepare me for this moment.

  5. Lori says:

    Kevin – you are
    in my prayers daily! bless your heart and keep the faith! xxxxxx

  6. The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him . Numbers 1:7 I’m praying for you Kevin

  7. Julia Strain says:

    Thinking of you as you greet this next life challenge. Love your signs, your attitude and your faith. You can do this. Will not be easy, but with God and the Pope on your side you can do it!!! Sending prayers from NC…..and love to you and your family.

  8. mark says:

    Kevin,
    God has a great plan for you and will surely pull you through this as well. You will have prayers coming your way from Va. Keep going one day at a time my friend.

    • weinkp1 says:

      Thanks for the wonderful message Mark. God does have a great plan for me and it’s easier to see when I receive messages form so many. Thank you for the prayers.

  9. Mary Benson says:

    You are such a blessing to so many people!! Continuing to pray for your complete healing. Love to you and your precious family.

  10. Thinking of you and your family…you are an inspiration to so many of us. Love and prayers, Tom and Mary

  11. Mike Capehart says:

    Peace be with you brother. Thanks again.

  12. Aaron Green says:

    Fly eagles fly.

  13. Lauren Dean says:

    You are such an inspiration! I am praying for you and your family!

  14. Susan Byles says:

    “Mr. B” and I were on a 11 day cruise while all this stuff was going on in your life but please know Kevin, although we were absent from this technologial box, you have remained in our daily prayers and especially our hearts for a total recovery. I can tell you first hand from watching my brother-in-law go through this very same thing 19 years ago, each day is a gift given to us from God, our choice is to use it wisely and for the good of others. There will be set backs, in life we learn to become stronger through our set backs and the strength we receive from God to continue on is our guide. I know this too shall pass. Time passes and soon this will be behind you. Take care and much love. Mrs “B”.

  15. Blythe Irausquin says:

    Kevin, I did not see this post until today. I feel so bad that I didn’t know when I messaged you the other day. I read your latest post last night, and was confused when I read that the cancer was still there. I can’t tell you how sorry I am to hear about this bump in the road, but believe still with all my heart that you can leap over this hurdle as well. Please know that you are loved and prayed for by so many. The Pope even!!! That is wonderful! Please, please let us know if there is anything we can do to help you, Janie or the girls.

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